Love weekends x

like every Saturday, last night's a blur lol. It was alright though, seeing as Tim, Sam, Ross, Wheeler and Will had gone to some 'yr 13 only' party in Rugby. We just had a girly night really, went out met Elise, Georgia and Lottie then we all chilled at Jezza's with Ant and Jezza, got fucked, then went to get a chinky and who was there?! wheeler's older brother! Hahaha, he's 19 and so sound, he was in the pub and had this proper HOT mate with him, but Lewis kept saying, 'so, what's going on with you and Luke', it got a bit awkward because nothing is really going on we're just together if we're at a party and text occasionally and people seem to think something's going on, but nothing really is... He is lovely though!
Felt so sick and tired all day and now i'm just gonna sleep for a bit xo

(Also went Birmingham on Saturday and some nice things, aw, love clothes)

Tate will always be my fave

Omg just watching the episode of AHS when Violet kills herself and then Tate's like 'Don't you die on me!', and then you think he's saved her and you're like, omg I love you Tate save me plz, but then you find out she did die after all and she's just a ghost... Still sad tho

What a shit night

It's been a quiet night which was rubbish, had family over so couldn't go out but the weirdest thing happened earlier!!
After work me and Abs went into town, and bumped into OLLI COLTMAN?! It was so weird, then we ended up staying with him in town all day because he had gone off with his mum and brother, HARRI! But then we met Harri as well later but it was so cute, and we were talking about the new Twilight movie and abs was like, 'me and Abbie are going to see it on Wednesday if you want to come, i'll bring Tim!' He was up for it, but I thought he was just joking... So i'm not sure what's happening hahahaha awky
It was still gr8 tho, next Saturday has to be GREAT to make up for this shitty night xo

Omg also

Last night was sick man, me and Abs went to this guillesborough party in Yelvertoft, we thought it'd be shit because we'd only know a few people, but we actually knew enough (Will, Woo, sam, Tim, Bone, Abie, Luke, ok not that many hahaha) for it to be a GR8 night mofo's.
Wheeler was there as well, it was weird to see him with like people from his school, tim and bone as well like I dunno, I just forget they go school ad their not JUST friends with the Welford lot...
It would've been better tho if we could've stopped there, but it was still goooooood, me and Abs were wasted lol xoxoxo

Basketball diaries x

'First it's a Saturday night thing and you feel cool like a gangster or a rock star. It's just somethin' to kill the boredom, you know. They call it a chippie, a small habit. It feels so good you start doing it on Tuesdays, then Thursdays. Then its got you. Every wise ass punk on the block says it won't happen to them, but it does.'

It's funny really

I'm fucking so annoyed with my mum for being weird about me going to a small gathering in yelvertoft because she doesn't trust me, however, she really shouldn't trust me in any way, what she thinks is a small gathering is actually a house party, mum thinks we'lll have a chilled night in when actually i'm gonna get absolutely fucked.
Mum thinks I go over Welford to have a quiet night with Aby, we go out, don't sleep, get absolutely mortal, can't remember what happened at all, and I love itttt
Basically, if she wasn't as strict i wouldn't have to lie to her. My dad said the other night 'as long as you tell the truth and we know where you are it's fine', fuck off, if I did that I would have NO social life and NO friends lol sound fun dad, thanks mate.
Tbh, i'm going either way so she can fuck off. I actually hate my mum, like people say 'I hate my mum' and you know they're joking, but I literally fucking hate my mum with a passion, we don't get on, she tried to control EVERYTHING in my life and I hate people telling me what to do- I can not stand her

Last night was amazinggg😘

Words can not describe how good last night was, me, abs and Tim decided to go to some Hollowell bonfire thing with Ant, Harri, Ross and Woo instead of going to that party because no one ended up going! Even though we missed the fireworks it was suuuuuch a good night, met up with Oli, Jake, Simon and then Elliot and his mates as well, everything's just blurred into one, I can't remember getting home, Oli gave me some of his vodka, and then thought it would be an amazing idea for us to go on the waltzers straight after... I was sick, and I blame Coltman, that was a downfall to the night, hahaha!
Still, got absolutely buzzing, with all the boyssssss, it was great, i'm used to doing all nighters on a saturday, so it was nice to get back to Aby's dads with Ant, Tim, Harri and Ross for about 3, and then they left at 4ish, so we managed to get a solid 6 hours sleep- decent effort!

Moredrinksmoredrinkmoredrinks

Been invited to Gina's tomorrow with all the gals... But I can't go, which sucksssss. I'll get over it though, Tim's mates having a party so me and Abs will probably go there instead, Ants gonna try and get some fireworks, lol crazy. It's just annoying because everyone's going Gina's and that's ALL they'll talk about next week, hahaha.
Lutterworth's shit anyway, might move to Guilsborough... YH SOUND. Or Robert Smyth just for Ant bbz, love him xoxo

RNDM FORTS YH

You are a genuine dickhead
I really want to dress up for halloween but i'm not 5
I want to go see Wheeler/or he can text me
I fancy eating several burgers with cheese
Someone please do my work for me
Aby has annoyed me so much but it makes me sad us not talking but she needs to realise how annoyed I am at her
My legs look like two wotsits
I'm really tired need to get buzzing. Now? PARTY GOING WELF BYE

Worst mood djsksklspqjdla

Saturday night was so good, would've been better if Wheeler was there though. Really, really annoyed with Aby after what happened at Tim's, she can fuck off

Sickkkk

Even though it's like 7:05 monday morning, it feels like It's about 5 Sunday morning! I was buzzing saturday, went to Lewis' first with the Welford 'crew' then about 6 other lad turned up who I didn't really know, but was close with by the end of the night, haha! At like 9, when everyone was on a bit of a comedown, we started walking to Georgia's which was like a 20 minute TREK. But that was shit, this girl had an asthma attack so half the people at Lewis' didn't even come up, then people started going back to Lewis' thinking that's were the party was happening.. Me and abs were left with georgia's older brother and his mates which was pretty sound tbf, then Tim gave us a lift back on lewis' ped Yh sound!
Tbf it was better at Lewis', got back at like 12, I stayed with like Olli Coltman and Luke Wheeler for most of the night, i'd met Olli at Loz's and only seen Luke out in Welf, so it was nice being with them, they're WELL FUN. Haha, swear i'm still buzzing now!
I couldn't stop talking all night, like I was just talking general shit most of the night... Still a sick night though, didn't sleep, buzzing alllllllllllllll night

Salty potato woo yh

YH SOUND Today has been so sound, only had one lesson at school so I got some work done in my frees which means less to do it half term (woo!), and then met up with George and Greg at lunch and last lesson, THEN me and abs did our shopping for next week, free house YH, PARTY! hahahaha, omg and then after shopping me and Harris went to 'pick up' which was hilarious because she was so worried, bless herrrr.
But it was great, love life

Plan for next week:
Saturday:
Work 8am-1pm, go to Aby's dads (Welford), pick up, Georgia's party which is gonna be SICK. High, wasted Salty potato
Sunday:
Hanging/sleeping all day, Aby and Abi stopping over. Salty potato over cooked
Monday:
Hanging/sleeping all day, Aby and Jord stopping gonna' get WAYSTED lol. SWEET Salty potato
Tuesday:
Welford partyyyyyy! WELL SALTY POTATO
Wednesday-friday:
LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS
STUDENT PARTIES WASTED DRUNK CRAZY SALTY POTATO
Saturday:
Mum's back, work. normal, overcooked unsalty shit potato

(Omg actually buzzin' for tomorrow, once work is out of the way, i'll get to see the welford BWOIS. Party, omg gonna get so fucked, YH SOUND)

Class A and what?

'And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.'

Aw, that song though

'They say you're getting better, but you don't feel any better'

How is this happening again? I hate life right now, it's like a replay, an actual REPLAY.
ALSO, i'm not going over welford this weekend either, which sucks, haven't been over all week, that sucks, work was busy and now I could really do with a fag, blah, hate thisss

Sweet life

I was so fucked Saturday night, and all I know is that it was a sickkkk night! Apart from getting kicked out of Loz's house, it was such a good party!
Everyone in Welford is so nice (except from Loz the fucking fat bitch), I just want to move there and go to guiilesborough school, fuck this shit

(Aby isn't in the pics from last night, but, she was there nigga's)

Xox

Everything is soooo good right now, aw I love it and yeah cutie

Tonight's a sad night, loving lyfe

I know we have no chance anyway but you're a fucking bitch and he can do so much better than you ok, why can't you just not get back together please don't get back together please please please I really need this not to happen, not now, everything could work out if you just fucked off. Ok it probably wouldn't, but, oh shit you're going to get back together, I know it, it's so obvious and I miss him more than you ever would, just please go away your such a slag, and he's not and he's cute and protective and still feels awkward around me which means, well nothing, itu probably means he despises me, but if he didn't feel anything he wouldn't give a shit if I was around him or not. The last thing he said to me (when we fell out, not like at xmas/new year) was 'I really loved you' LOVED LOVED what?! How can you say that and then just fuck off, this makes me sad, everyone has a perfect guy/gal and i'm like YH BEING ALONE IS GR8 and I want to talk to him so badly but i'm too much of a fucking pussy someone please force me to talk to him yh?

Abbie is the best friend ever

Holy fucker, I might as well become a therapist. I'm pretty sure i'm the best friend in the world too.
So, I met Lauren after school and she said her and her boyf aren't too good at the minute. And then she text me like half hour ago saying 'he's about to end it' so I rang her and she was balling her eyes out, it was so bad there was nothing I could do she'd got herself into such a state saying it was all her fault, and I don't think i've ever been such a good friend in my whole life, like to someone except Abs, I was telling her how he's such a dick for treating her like this, she has done NOTHING wrong, and I damn sure made certain she knew that.
After we'd finished talking, I said i'd meet her tomorrow after school, and when I hung up I was like, shit she's gonna do something stupid, and I was like shitting myself like, I know what she would be thinking and I kept ringing her like pick up you twat! And then I was going to sort of tiptoe around it but I couldn't help it, when she picked up the phone I literally shouted at her, IF YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID LAUREN I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU! And I was so relieved when she laughed and said, I'm feeling shit, yeah, but I won't do anything like that! I know I was probably over thinking it all, but if she did do something and then I had spoken to her literally minutes before I would feel so guilty and omg I can't even think about it, she's such a good friend, even though she sometimes does do things which annoy me, idc, she was upset and I was there for her and I feel like such a good friend

Fu

How is it possible for someone to be mardy all the time?! It's actually got to the point where I can't even be bothered with you anymore.
If you stay like this for much longer you can just fuck off, all you do is talk about yourself and it's boring and you're annoying and yh

Emotional blaaaaaaaah

In the day, I swear I don't feel any type of emotion, and then at night i'm like crazy emotional! Like, I was just really upset because Danni's going uni, and aw i'm just going to miss her so much, like our night chats and beating up liam and getting curries all the time and shopping at christmas and what not.
And now, I really want someone who I can talk to all the time, and cuddle and watch shit movies with and go for walks and stuff.
In the morning when i'm all emotionless again i'll read this and be like hahaha, i'm such a twat. But at the minute, aw I really will miss Danni and I really want a cuddle

SKWL

Right, admittedly, today was a lot better than I thought. In fact, I quite enjoyed it! Even though, I expect it's going to get a lot harder!
The only bad thing was seeing Jar, and that I couldn't do biology and now i'm doing shitty DT food... Blahhh.
I found out Jar cheated oh Rhi at reading and that's why they broke up, good on her for breaking up with him! Not many people would, like they say they would, but, would they? Hmmmmm. Idc, I still lav' him
It was nice catching up with everyone today, and aw I loved it!

No punctuation because I'm stressing

I haven't thought about this for ages but now we're going back to school and i'll see him all the time and it'll be awkward and i'll just be looking like a tramp 24/7 and it really scares me because it could be that awkward i'll have to cry for a bit and I've had such a good summer I haven't cried in ages and I failed maths so I can't do biology now and omg why did I have to be shit at maths and now i'll end up taking god knows what and i'm getting braces soon like my bottom ones which are gonna look just FAB fucking kill me now plz

18th yh

I should've blogged about this earlier but I think i've only just recovered, haha!;) Well, my sister had an 18th birthday party last saturday at the pub in the next village, because we know the owners so they did food for us and my dad and the owner 'Dj'd' haha! But it was an amazing night, like all my family were there and the brean lot which is like, Donna, ruth and melissa and they all have 4 kids each, and then their husbands (DARREN)! And then all of Dan's friends so their must've been about 150 people there? And omg these guys were there who are like friends with Alex and George, these two guys from our village, so we (me, aby, abi) were talking to all of them quite a bit all night, and it was at like 1, and we were out having a fag, and we saw them going towards one of their houses, and they shouted 'hey, come here!' like from across the road, so we went over and they said oh, we're gonna do some weed if you guys want in? And we were like YH MAN and it just shows how alcohol changes people, because normally I still would've done it (obvs;)) but I wouldn't of started talking to them initially but I was proper in a conversation with them at the pub, and they knew the girl who I work with, like she bar tends because she's older but she's like really nice and quite 'scene' so she would've fit in with them, but when we mentioned it, they were like yeah, we KNOW Georgy! So... Hahaha yeah!
It was such an amazing night, what I can remember anywayyyyy.

Football and shit

Omg just met the cutest guy eva. Right, so me and abs were just patrolling the village, as you do! And we've noticed that our village football team have been playing against another team or training every night this week, so we decided to go and watch the match tonight! So we were sat on this bench near the football field, which is near the sports club which is like a shit bar really. And the barmaid's daughter came and sat out with us and she's the year below & really nice, and one of the footballers went to go into the 'sports club' and started talking to us, and then he was really nice and like telling us who we were playing and stuff because we had no clue, and it's great that there are actually guys in our village for once?!
WOO!
Also, we get our GCSE results tomorrow and tbh, I'm really not that nervous. I definitely should be nervous though, i've probably failed. McDonalds is my future career yhyh

3 WEEKS YH

In the past three weeks... i've been up to Blackpool twice, to Jon&Becca's wedding, been a bridesmaid, went pleasure beach with abs. Went Ibiza, met so many amazing people, drank a complete head fuck, went skinny dipping multiple times, got so drunk I was sick and couldn't remember the previous night, turned into a bit of a slut, became more confident, got in at 7 in the morning and then was up for breakfast at 10. Dan got into Leeds uni, & she got BCC at A-levels, Dan turned 18.
THE BEST 3 WEEKS OF MY LIFE.
(Gonna miss Dan though)

IBIZA PICS.

IBIZA BITCHES

For this blog I was going to go bit by bit over our Ibiza holiday, but it was genuinely too amazing to put into words!
Because we were all inclusive, everyone stayed around the pool in the day to get like the free drinks&food, so on the first day we met this girl called Ellie who was such a good laugh and we were together all week really! And then every day (with Ellie) we'd meet new people around the pool and then go into San antonio town with them at night, which is like Ibiza party central!
We met these two guys called Kev and Arron and we were with them on the last night which made it the best night by far, we went to west end with them, Ellie, these 3 older guys and another girl, so because there was such a big group the reps gave us these amazing deals! One club was like €7 each for 6 drinks, 3 shots, and a bottle of sambuka between us.
So yeah, on the last night I was wrecked. Then once we got a taxi back to the hotel, me, abs, kev and arron went to the beach and decided to go swimming! Such a good night I can't even explain, they decided to have an 'afterparty' in their room, so we ended up getting to sleep at 9, then up at 10 to pack!
Ibiza 2012 was genuinely the best week of my life, ly abs.
(23, 31, glasses, spanish, Gaz, snickers, 2BA, million voices, peppers, IRISH, shots, english spanish, CK)

The wedding was amazing, the whole week in blackpool was amazing! I met loads of new blackpoolians and they're all lovely, especially Becca's cousin;)!
Nah, yeah he was nice.
IBIZIA LATER WOO! Flight's at half 8, so we'll get there and it'll be time to go out!

Michael Scofield is still alive OK? :'(

I really get too attached to TV programs, omg i'm so sad right now.
Why did he have to die? He was so, so perfect. More perfect than anybody

Fucking cjskkdkxkd

OMG. I really, really hate abortions and I really, really hate teenage pregnancy. There's a clear way to avoid both of these things: CONTRACEPTION OR ABSTINENCE. C'mon, it's not that hard people
Unless of course you want to have a child at a young age and probably being unable to provide for that child, or if you enjoy taking the lives of unborn babies.
This rant has come about, because this girl I used to know/be quite close with, I found at today has apparently been pregnant 8 times. FUCKING 8 TIMES. And, has had an abortion 7 times?!?! Are you being serious? She's now decided to keep this baby she's supposedly pregnant with at the moment.
To be fair though, she probably lied about being pregnant on all of the previous occasions anyway.
I HATE HER SO MUCH WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS OMG.

Cunt.

Can you feel it

I was in the sun all day, and now i'm all burnt/tanned. I did put suncream on, but like sort of under/front of my arms are burnt. And my stomach!:(
OMG, I've took my hip bar out. It makes me sad looking down and not seeing it, it was my most recent one, and it was growing out. I was going to leave it to completely grow out, just to see how painful it would be, but I caught it, and now me and Aby are going away I want it to sort of healed for then! It's gonna' scar though, fuck sake, I hate scars dkofldusp

Silly girly

This blog makes me realise how irrational I am, like 99% of the time. I think I like jared, and that my life's over because he probably hates me, when really, I shouldn't/don't care what he does nowadays.
I constantly worry me and Aby worry fall out, when we never, ever will.

I'm so silly, tehe x

Lay it down easy

Please just go listen to spiritualised-Lay it down slow, it's such a beautiful song. But, it makes me feel sad because it's on the last ever section of Prison break when it reveals Michael's died. The saddest moment. Ever. Every time I hear it I cry, bless. GO LISTEN.

if you got dreams in your heart
why don't you share them with me?
and if dreams don't come true
i'll make sure that you're nightmares
are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don't you share it with me?
and we'll just wait and see
if it's half what it used to be

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you've got love in your heart
why don't you keep it with mine?
I can't promise a miracle
but i'll always be trying

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

lay it down easy
but lay it on me

BULLRING BITCHES

Today, me and mum went Birmingham for like a massive shopping session, and it was great and I got loads of things for school next year, and general summer bits. I got a new bag, but it's like massive, well, compared to my other one anyway because it has to fit folders and shit in, and a denim jacket/shirt and some shoes from Topshop, and then another top from Urban outfitters, and some mew vans, some schooly stuff, and then some KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS mmm, yum.
When I went to try some clothes on in urban outfitters there were these really skinny pretty girls, and they were genuinely perfect, they were petite and one blonde, and one brunette, and they had like long, wavy hair, and they were so perfect I wanted to commit. So jealous, anyway.

I h8 lyfe

I'm such a paranoid shit fucking paranoid shit person. Fuck.
Aby invited me to go abroad with her, her mum and her mums boyf, and that happens to be the exact week we go to Blackpool for that shitty fucking wedding which really has ruined my summer. Well, i'm a shitty bridesmaid which obviously means I can't go and I'm really sad, because I need sun in my life. Blaaaah. ALSO. Aby will probably invite someone else to go and then i'll lose my bestie matey, which is what i'm worrying about. Ah fucker.
Even though it's not Abys fault i'm still really annoyed and feel all shit about the whole situation. I'm just probably going to lose my best friend and then what is life? DIE

And if we could float away, fly up to the surface and just start again

I worry too much over things, today was a perfect example. I was so worried about not fitting in my bridesmaid dress, and it fit. Yep, it was even a bit too big! So yeah, woo! I'm happy.
Hannah's was also a really good night, aw love the girls😘

Xoxo

Off to Han's 'gathering', quite looking forward to it actually! Hannah G isn't going which makes it even better!
Love my girlies, CYA.

TUESDAY IS KOOSDAY BITCHES

Really, really nervous for this dress fitting on Sunday. Becca's auntie, aka the dressmaker, will probably be like 'sorry, this girl is too fat for this dress. Please chose a skinnier bridesmaid' and then i'll just go cry in a corner.
If I stick to a good diet, and exercise regularly I should hopefully be able to lose 3 pounds for Sunday.
It's possible, ok?

ALTON TOWERS

Today, me and Aby went to Alton Towers. It was amazing.
I've only been a couple of times and the last time I went was about 5 years ago, and I love roller coasters so much, I was just over excited. And it was just amazing! Such a good day too, funniest day in a long while!
There was mostly school trips there, so it wasn't very busy and we got on ALL the rides! Every time we ended up queuing for a ride, we'd end up chatting to the group in front/behind of us, so we met a load of cute people.
Aw, such a good day!

Today's been horrible, school was pointless, feeling fat and i'm 1838373% sure people look at me and think 'she's put on weight'
Can I leave everything now, or?
I just NEED to lose weight by next week or I probably won't fit in my bridesmaids dress and that will be the most embarrassing moment of my life, especially because Becca used to be bulimic/anorexic and she has this idea that i'm bulimic/depressed, ARE YOU OK?! Just because I cried in front of her once which was under the influence of alcohol, she now thinks that she knows me, because I cried?! once?! Omg, it annoys me when she gives me these motivational life speeches, fuck off already
Love ya Bex x

Tomorrow everyone's going back to college for sixth form inductions, i'm so nervous! I'm just over thinking everything, like, where my classes will be, who'll be in my classes, what if I don't know anyone?! What am I go to wear, what if I can't handle the lessons and fail my entire life. Omg, not looking forward to it at all. I don't want to be late to my lessons, but I don't want to be the first there because then you won't get to see who you could potentially sit with.
I always get nervous, and shit, I hate this. Hcmslalxoodsla

PIGSTER

'touching a teddy bear can make a person feel less lonely' -This is probably why I can't sleep without piggy. My fave guy! Haha

Braceface

Just had a bit of a 'gathering' at Jords because we've all finished our exams now! There wassss, me, Abs, Sophie, Hannah, Hannah, Alexa, Meg, Andessa and Jordan obviously... It was such a good night, everyone got a bit tipsy, like a good drunkenness, except Hannah Cramp who ended up smashing her phone at the end of the night, so funny!
Hannah Gibson did my fucking head in, normally she is a bitch but not to me, but tonight, omg. Sophie said that her leggings were baggy thanks to hannah, and I just said, oh, did she wear them? Not thinking really about what I said, and Hannah made this massive thing about it, like joking but still being a bitch then for the rest of the night! Everyone sort of picked up on her bitchyness, and tbh, no one really likes her, so we all sort of made her feel like she makes us feel, the pathetic twat. Omg, she really pissed me off tonight!
But overall, yeah, it was a good night, love my girlies

Mood swings make me crazy

I hate mood swings, omg they ruin my life, slight exag, but they are most annoying.
It's only if i'm like 'on' though, but still, 1 week every month isn't something which I look forward too. In the day, especially the morning i'm so happy, even though i'm on my own like all day, it's when it gets to like 7/8 I get really like sad, and have like an evaluation of my life, and it's so depressing it makes me cryyy.
I'm fine tonight, last night I was a mess, couldn't stop thinking about everything, should get better as the week progresses, yay

No more exams. I'm so, so happy. It feels weird, I got home from school and watched TV, I can't remember the last time I did that?! It felt wrong, like I felt bad for doing it, because it seemed like I should be revising.
I'm sure i'll get used to it, mwaha, i'm so happy, waaaaaaah

DEGU

I'm persuading my parents to let me get a Degu, well only my mum because my dad really has no say in anything. I have a rabbit, and as much as I love her, i've had her for like 8/9 years now and I swear she has no idea who I am, and that her name's Cuddles! When I go see her, she'll come and give me a kiss, and then just hops away, I feel so used.
Well, Degu's are sort of like bigger gerbils, and I had gerbils (although they ran away), and i've been researching them and the internet says they have a memory and know their owner! Also it says they're not scared of everything (like gerbils/hamsters) and are curious,s so, yep, i'd quite like a Degu plz

Really, really now?

You have got to be joking me.
This girl at my school is preg, fair enough, her choice. (Her life's probably over, no education=shit job=no funding for your kid, lol) Aaaanyway, this girl was just BEGGING it for a fag on facebook, are you fucking kidding me?! Do you know what damage that could do to your baby? How are people so fucking stupid.
It annoys me so, so much. Absolute twat. First, for getting pregnant with some twenty-something guy who already has 1, possibly 2 kids, and secondly, for giving that child an even shitter life by smoking whilst you're pregnant with it.
Omg some people have no sense, none at all. How are you going to be able to raise a child, if you can't even look after yourself? Cunt.

Soon babes

Even though I had two exams, todays been quite good really! The exams went well, and I was just with Soph all day which was nice because we got a well needed catch up! I don't know really, it was just a nice, chilled day. I think seeing everyone from school was nice, it made me not miss everyone for a bit. Xoxo

BREAN2012 (i've already published this, but it said it didn't upload)

This week has been amazing, I can't even say how good of a time i've had! Me, Abi and Katie have become inseparable, they are such cuties! I'm going to miss EVERYONE who went, omg cry. I won't see Ruth, Donna and Melissa until Jons wedding, and none of the kids until the 25th August:(! I also managed to develop an extreme 'crush' on Donna's husband... Awks. I mean, idk, I just find him really attractive like him appearance slightly, his personality a lot, he also has this like sex addiction! Well, not an actual addiction, obviously, I just think he likes sex, shit, he's perfect<3

Kill me now

Shit, fuckkkk. I'm going to fail history, no question, shit
I'm probably going to fail all my exams and become a crack whore anyway

So so so tired

Last night was amazing! We always go on holiday with like my mums side of the family, and then 3 other families which we're close with, especially my auntie, that's how we know them. But yeah, there's normally like 45 of us that end up going on holiday, and it's such a good week! We're going again tomorrow, but only my family, my aunties family and then 3 other families, there's like 17 kids all together, but they're all like proper kids kids, beside me and Dan, they go from like aged 4-13, but they're all LOVELY.
Last night one of the families had a party so we all went, but only me and Dan from this fam, I wasn't like steaming, but I was pretty wasted, but not drunk enough to not remember my antics, I remember pretty much everything! When i'm drunk I go from being fairly quiet, just like myself, to being in like so confident, and I guess that's what alcohol does to people, but I start wondering around as well, like in the street, wherever really, and then when I venture back to the party people are like 'WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?' I should probably stop doing that...
Next week i'll probably be drunk most nights, but i'm revising in the day for my exams, and if i'm going to feel as shit as I do now, i'm going to get no revision done, so I need to pace myself!

Soph's meal No. 2

Sophie Hacks meal tonight, and I enjoyed it more that Sophie Nutts! And I probably shouldn't of tbh, because the group at Nutts are like my main gals, and at Hacks i'm only properly close with Soph, Molly and Jess, but everyone at Hacks was really nice, and it was such a laugh, Ellie took her cam, which is like a proper pro one, so I can't wait to see the pics! I'm probably in like 76% of them? hahaha.
So it was a really good night, we went to the DBA in Dunton and it's literally just around the corner from Jared's house, and me and Moll were getting a drink and I could see the street outside, and Jared and Rhianne walked past, shit why do I still like him? I mean seriously, what's wrong with me? Blah blah, get over it gal

Seeya' Physics

No more Physics for me, yeah, you got that right, no more physics ever. EVER. Omg, i'm so happy. The exam went ok, better than what I expected I suppose?
Anyway, I've been reading this book called 'Will Grayson Will Grayson' and it really seems to relate to my life, (the non gay Will Grayson, not the gay one) but yeah, Will Grayson's has this best friend and they were like so close, like me and Aby, and then his best friend got a new boyfriend, he's gay, like Aby except she's not gay, I don't think? But yes, and now Will's best friend just ditches Will 24/7, just like how Aby ditches me. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Life's good atm though, I mean really good, no apparent reason it is just going gooooood.

Soph's meal

Sophie's meal was goooood, i love meals with my gals! I bought this new bikini from Topshop today, and I had to get a size 8 top because my boobs are that of a ten year olds, and a size 12 bottoms because of my ghetto booty, it is a bit big though, lol.
I haven't been on my dailybooth in SO long! Some of the pics on there are really, really cringey! I'm want to try on all my clothes tonight, and get rid of all the shit, because my wardrobe is literally full!
Late night for me bitches

I'm a mess

There just isn't anyone who i'm not going to miss, even if they're still staying on at Lutterworth I won't be in the same classes with them, and we'll grow apart, and it'll go from a casual 'Hi' when passing in the corridor, to a smile, to nothing, and that past two years of being friends with people would've been pointless, and that's what gets me upset. :(
Having Science last lesson was always going to have me in tears, and it was just standing there talking to everyone and thinking how two years ago, none of us were friends and now? We were like one big family, but that's all over now, I can't even say how much i'm going to miss not seeing them all everyday.
Oh god Re, Tom and Molly, i'm going to miss them two! We've had such a good past 2 years, and me and Tom went through a bit, and Molly is one of my best friends now, I just can't, omg, please everyone, lets keep in touch please, ok? Ok.
I was thinking, like why do you cry when you're sad, and laugh when you're happy? What makes you do that? It would be weird if you cried when you were happy, and laughed when you were sad, and laughing was some like highly embarrassing thing that no one ever did, and when you did it people were like 'OMG YOU'RE LAUGHING.' lol, just thinking

Missing ya' year 11

I'm going to be such a mess tomorrow, I mean, most people are staying on, the people that I care about anyway, except Jordan and Hannah, I'm just going to miss them bitches. Other people are going to different colleges, like, erm, idk! But other people! Also, i'm going to miss my classes, like the people who have made the past two years what they've been!
I would never of survived triple science without everyone, science, RE and PE is what i'm going to miss the most, oh my god, what is my life
I've only cried at school twice, and that was both in the chemistry room, when me and Aby fell out and when I had the worst day ever and then failed a mock and that was that.
I'm going to miss everyone, so, so much, I can't even explain it, love ya bbz'! XOXOXOXOXOXO

Ah mandem, got my exams tomorrow, chem and english lit bitches
Omg i'm going to die
Waaaaaaaaaaht, todays been so good

TUESDAY IS KOOSDAY

School was bad, well up to lunch anyway, the last part of the day was amazing! It's just been boiling today, so lunch was fab, 'skived' 4th lesson with Abs because i'm a badman, and then RE last which is never bad!
After school I got a couple of hours revision and then went out at 6 with Abs, we're close again now, because we've had a good catch up, I think i just get paranoid that we're going to fall out or grow apart... But anyway, we just talked about everything, laughed a lot, hahahaha, and then we walked around the belt, came home, went on the exercise bike, revised a bit more and now 90210!
Today was good mandem

I don't know

Today has been awful, well actually no, since 1 O'Clock, todays has been awful. I was just in such a shit mood, and I hate being in a bad mood, because well, I just hate it. Now I feel like I have to go around apologising to everyone who I was in a bad mood with, except my mum, because she's a hoe.
Basically, yeah, today was shit, son

Fat day 6853247899744::579&!;;

I'm the worst dieter in the world, I said i'd stay off bread, but I had a subway today, and a bit of cake and crisps, like I genuinely love food too much to stop eating it.

I would carry on but i'm on my phone and my nails are seriously doing my head innnn.

Casual 3rd blog of the day

I just care too much about everything, I bet no one else cares that it's our last week of school next week? It's the last week i'll spend with Jord and Hannah at school, i'm going to miss them both so, so much. Especially Jord, who am I meant to piss around with now? And i'm never going to see her a lot, not really, I can't handle everyone moving schools, I can't handle going into different classes and not being with the people who i've spent the past 2 years with, fuckinghell, i'm just going to be really sad next week and i'm going to miss everyone in sixth form, it just isn't going to be the same and it makes me so sad

I look like a cocoa bean, omg

Paper towns

“But when it came right down to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defensless that I couldn't do it. It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get."

Make you feel my love

Today was actually pretty good, and i've been feeling like this for most of the week, which must be a record for this past year? I'm probably going to have an absolute, shoot me in the head, feed me to wolves, shit, shit day soon though, something to look forward too!
Erm, I keep thinking about him recently, just how different my life would be if we were together. Especially during last year/beginning of this year when I was in such a fucking bad 'place', but I mean, I got through that on my own, so I should be set for the rest of my life now.

So happy!

I've had such a good night! I went to watch Jords dance show and it was amazing, so proud of my gal! Dan bought me and Abs home, and coming back through the middle of Leicester at 10 O'clock there was so many lads, like cars full of guys! Haha, had a couple of burn-ups with 'em, lol! So, so funny, absolutely love my life!

Todays been good, today was a good day

I was in like an amazing mood all day, and probably annoyed so many people... Yolo.
Erm, yeah, got a lot of revision done today, should hopefully ace this DT exam!
But, Abys been really off with me today. Don't know why, and tbh, I don't give a shit. If she wants to be a mardy twat she can, her choice.
lololololol, love ya.

These headaches are killing me

My head really, really hurts. Like omg, shit my head's exploding. Exams should be fun, hahaha.
Anyway, today I managed to fail a Physics mock as well as a French listening exam, I ripped my tights in lesson one, so all day I had people going 'you've got a ladder in your tights' like i hadn't already realised! Erm... I think that's it for todays antics.
Except my 'friend' told me how she had sex with some 25 year old, I mean what? A bit weird, well I think so anyway. What's wrong with guys like 16-19? They're perfectly fine, sometimes immature but mostly fine! lol, slag.
I've also put 2 pounds on, there's this girl at school and everyone always talks about how fat she is and how much weight she's put on over the past couple of years, and after exams that's going to be me:'(

Todays been differant

Seeing as today's been so unproductive, it's been a very productive day. Went to work from 12-3:30, only served about 10 meals, so it was quite boring! Went home, and whilst waiting for dinner I passed out twice?! I was sat with Liam in the back room, and then I stood up, next thing I know i'm on the floor with mum and Loam stood around me?! Weirdest thing i've ever experienced, and then when I stood up I passed out again?! Luckily mum caught me so I didn't hit my head on the tiles again... lol, fun times.
Exams start tomorrow and it makes me want to die, the stress alone will probably kill me, so yeah, woo, this next month is looking great!
Only today I realised that i'm going to miss so many people, and not because they're going to different colleges, but because i'm not going to be having lessons with the same people who i've been with for the past 2 years:(

Lalala, my birthday meal was expensive and I was in a shit mood which killed the night, glad everyone had a nice night though, xoxo

Bitches love dresses

Ignore my knees, hair, face, arms and erm, everything really except from my NEW DRESS. Such a bargain from Topshop, made my day tbh! Going to wear it for my birthday meal on Sat with the girlies, looking forward to it!

Amazing end to a brill day

Today's been so good, like I just enjoyed it! I even had double history, french and a science mock and I still managed to have a good day.
And then, tonight I went to see American pie with Abs, such a good night! We didn't stop laughing for the entire time we were out, it was just like old times. The movie was hilarious and amazing, just as I expected it was just an overall good night!
Trying not to think about the high possibility of tomorrow being shit. :)

You'd bleed just to know you're alive

Such a shit day.

Miss you, x

I feel better now

Today was mediocre, is that the correct spelling? Oh god, I have no chance at life, haha. I was in like a 'fuck off, I hate you' mood today, but it only makes me happier, like then I don't care what people think of me because I hate them. Lunch was good, classes were ok, got some revision done and started a new book, so really, todays been good

16 and 1 day old

I'm 16, woo! It was birthday... Yesterday! Yeah, so it was great, Aby & Abi got me surprise Rizzle kicks tickets, and I had no idea at all, it was all great & surprising! I mostly got money, and then just 'bits and bobs', Abs slept over last night because we went london today, got some new clothes with ma' $$$$$$! Got sole salmon shorts (lol, salmon), denim high waisted shorts with studs on, yeah, in love, blue jumper, but it's like thin and nice! And then a burgundy hoody, all from Topshop! The London Topshop, is so big! We spent 2 and a half hours in there omg. Then I got a top from river island, and some new bras from next;)! I wanted to get a new dress for my meal next weekend but I didn't find anything so will have to have a desperate search around the high cross on Sat! Anyway, Blackpool tomorrow, woo! Bye losers, X

Hallelujah

'What do you do when you need to talk to someone, but the person you normally talk to, is the problem?'
This pretty much sums up my life

I watched the episode of The OC where Marissa died, omg I cried my heart out, why do I get so attached to fictional, TV program, people? lol, what is my life. She was just so perfect and when Ryan was crying omg, :(
Just go on youtube and put in 'Marissa dies' and you'll witness the saddest TV moment of your life.

Xoxo bitches

Just another girl, alone at the bar

I hate school, and everything to do with it, the people, teachers, classes, exams, erm, kill me now. Bleh
I've started going to the gym again to try and lose some weight for summer, I went with Jord today and we got talking about this guy she's been seeing, and she was like 'so, who do you like atm?' I could hardly say, oh yep, your brother. Oh golly, I hate this.
FINISHED MY ART GCSE BTW OMG YAY!
We love to boogie on a Saturday night, it's my birthday on Fri, woo, and i'm going London on Sat!
I found this guy who reminds me of Tate from AHS, I don't even know why, he doesn't look like him, he just reminds me of him, like his personality, even though I've only spoken to him like twice? lol
Omg my room's really hot, this blog makes no sense, seeya' bbz

Love you Abs

I went to my nan's house today to help sort her stuff out because she's moving into a sheltered accommodation place soon, so we went to get rid of some stuff, and we found all these old photos and my nan gave me some of when she was like 20ish, and their so cute, aw.
Anyway, when I got home I looked through my old photos and came across this picture of me and abs, I think we're about 5?
If we don't stay friends forever I'll cry

Be here now.

Don’t let your mind get weary
And confused your will be still, don’t try
Don’t let your heart get heavy
Child, inside you there’s a strength that lies

Don’t let your soul get lonely
Child, it’s only time, it will go by
Don’t look for love in faces, places
It’s in you that’s where you’ll find kindness

Be here now, be here now
Be, be here now, be here now

Don’t lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don’t put your trust in walls
‘Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be, be here now, be here now
Be, be here now, be here now
Had this song stuck in my head all day, it's so good.

What's up bitches?

After a good day I ALWAYS have a bad day, it just always happens, always. I reckon it's because I use up all my good mood-ness on that day so by the following day i'm all drained and mardy. I was so mardy today, except for lunch because I was with Jord and we can't not have a laugh! We pissed Hannah off so much and she walked off because we were just ripping her to shreds, and I don't even care because she's been such a bitch recently to me, so she can just fuck right off the little slag, oh god, she's not that bad... lol.
I think i've fallen out with Aby as well, not officially, but officially to me, if that makes any sense? I'm just so fed up with Aby pissing off with Fraser so she can just fuck off too. I mean seriously, does she just expect me to still be here for her when Fraser goes to university, because I won't.
Ok, I probably will... But i'll try to stand my ground for a while.

Yep, todays been absolutely fantastic

You alright with ya hip piercings?

YEAH HIP PIERCING! Piercings make me so, so happy. Not only when I get one, but like seeing them on other people I just love them! Like they're so hot, yeah, I love them.

I went Kasbah to get it done and normally I have this piercer called Dave who's a babe, he's quite quiet, but lovely! But today I had this guy called Charlie, I'd seen him before at Kasbah but just like talking to people waiting to get piercings done, but he did my hip, mmmmm, he was so hot. I was in there for proper ages too because he had to get it measured to match my other hip piercing, and he seemed really nervous and not confident about it, which sort of worried me a bit, but also made me love him more, aw, babe.

Overall, today's been a jolly good day. woohooo!



10-not so interesting-FACTS ABOUT ME

I saw someone do this & it looked quite interesting, so here we go...

1. I have a massive family and I love them all so much

2. I've liked the same person for about a year now, on and off, but he's got a girlfriend, and that sucks.

3. I love my friends, like so so much.

4. Even though I question this sometimes, me and Abs are like sisters, we've been BEST friends now for like 11 years? I love her so much!

5. I'm so self conscious, like about everything. The way I look, the way I talk, how I act around people, how people act around me, how I show my emotions, yep, everything.

6. I have too many things which I've never told anybody, and I really need to talk about them sometimes.

7. I love my 'great' nan and my grandad so much, if anything ever happened to either of them I would feel so lost.

8. I worry/over think about everything, literally everything...

9. I hate change, but I love the thought of a new start too.

10. I have shit memory!

There we go motha'fuckas.

Go your own way

Jason Mraz- I won't give up on us
Train- Drive by

These songs are just my favourite atm, like in the shower in the morning I'll just play them two songs, singing away being in the best mood. Even though 'I won't give up on us' is a bit of a sad/slow song, it's still amazing.
I quite fancy making my blog more private, except I don't know how, I just hate the thought of people I know reading it, which now I know people actually do. But I might just make it less personal maybe?
Today's been good anyway, I just love RE, any day with RE is a good one, me and Moll' just have such a laugh! Probably one of my favourite lessons! can't even remember what other lessons I had... maths was shit, me and Lauren just really aren't getting on at the minute, normally I just sort of nod my way through our conversations but everything that comes out of her mouth seems to contradict something she's said before, and I hate liars too, and she told me something which aparantly isn;t true, and it's not something which you should lie about, ok, it just isn't, fucks sake...

The whole village went to this sort of memorial thing for Claire tonight, there was just a football match on at the sports club so they dedicated it to Claire and then everyone did a minute silence, it was nice of the village to organise it tbh. I still can't get over it, like I've never known, like properly known, someone who's died before, and I don't know how to react. Because I didn't know her well enough to cry, but I knew her well enough to be sad about it? hm

I just deleted about half of this blog because i'm worried about what I say on here

Lalalala

Today's been good, I woke up in this amazing mood that was just amazing. I had double art which is much better because I was sat with Jess not Lauren, as much as I love Lauren, she's so... Erm, selfish? Attention seeking? Rude? Idk, she's just annoying sometimes! Specially if i'm in a bad mood or upset about something and all she does is complain about her life, I just want to punch her! (sometimes I think I have anger issues, lol) but yeah, today was good! Except I overheard some guys saying about the women who died in the marathon and being so fucking idiotic, about the situation & saying 'how could someone die doing the marathon? It's just running' wtf, how stupid can you be, obviously Claire had some underlying problem which was what caused er to collapse in the first place. Have they not thought about her family? What their going through? Ok, yep that was annoying.

Rip Claire XXXXXXX

Shit, this women who lives in my village died in the marathon today, she was so lovely, and young and pretty, she was so physically fit too, always running and training. Her brother died due to drugs a couple of years ago, and she was running to raise money for a samaritans charity. It's so strange, she was perfect, nothing was wrong with her, how can that happen?
Fuckinghell

Yep im a mess

What is my life? I was in art at lunch, just waiting to use the printer and then Jared comes and stands in the que behind me, I thought I was going to cry. We made like awkward eye contact and did a sort of half smile, but after everything we went through and we were friends for what seemed like forever and all I get is a half smile? Fgs, I was so worried I was going to cry, just stood there, printing and crying, luckily I kept it together and then went to the toilet and casually thought about how shit my life is now. My whole life just revolves around exams and how much I miss Jared, FUCK SAKE, h8 my lyfe

Night fevaaaa'

I love glee because no matter how shit my day is or how upset i'm feeling, it always manages to make me happy! So many people say that glee is shit, but it's not, it portrays real problems, not like 90210 or TOWIE, although I love them, there so, 'omg I need a tan, why haven't I had sex today?' I just love glee, lol GLEEK jks guys, jk

Move along just to make it through

Can someone please tell me what's wrong with me. I've like the same guy for soooooo long now, and we haven't spoken in about 4 months. How is it possible that I can still have any type of emotion left for him? I think I just miss him a lot, like so much. If we started talking again I would maybe get over him because I wouldn't miss him as much?
I'm just really bad at missing people, like even before they're gone I miss them.
Maybe it's just seeing him with her that fuels my 'love' for him, or maybe I just hate her so much I just want her boyfriend, even though the reason why I hate her is because she's going out with him.
For god sake, I just need to move on.

I can't wait until i'm older and can have kids, like I want such a family family! Like we'll go camping and, be really close, i'll probably have 3/4 kids, i'm hoping i'll have identical twin girls and they run in my family so it could happen! But I'd quite like to own, not a farm, but a big-ish house with land so I could get maybe a pig, sheep, goat?! Haha! Obviously i'll have a dog & cats, probably multiple of both, but aw, neva guna happen.
I hate talking about the future but I don't mind talking about his :)

Fave song

'Now it's gonna get harder, and it's gonna burn brighter, and it's gonna feel tougher, each and every day.
So let me say, that I love you. You're all I've ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed of to come.'

PERFECT GUY PLZ

My perfect guy:
Knows when i'm sad.
Has multiple Piercings/tattoos(optional).
Taller than me.
Not too skinny.
Gives good cuddles.
Cuddles me a lot.
Holds your hand all the time.
Likes similar/good movies.
MUST like Jamie T and/or ymas.
Genuine.
Has nice friends.
Makes me laugh.
Gets on with all my family/friends, especially Abs, not my mum/dad cos their twats
Doesn't cheat/flirt with other girls. (i'm quite jel)
Likes little kids, especially Lizzy.
Isn't too posh/snobby/well mannered.
Isn't homophobic/racist etc.
Is sympathetic when i'm hungover.
(The last ones was important today) :(

If someone has all of these factors, guy or girl, I will love you forever

I did this last night when I was feeling a bit lonely, thought i'd publish it now. But seriously he meets the majority of these, except for he has no piercings/tattoos, his mum is quite snobby and doesn't agree with my drunken antics, some of his friends are twats and he's quite skinny,
I need to get over him. What even is my life? cry.

Bro hoe

Just got back from work, WORK GUYS WORK. Ok, whatever, I want to say about Soph's last night! It was such a good night, everyone was absolutely mortal, but omg what a night!
Don't quite know what happened to Cramp, she wasn't drinking a huge amount and then all of a sudden she was locked in the bathroom and fell asleep, but everyone thought she'd passed out! ...ok, I thought it was funny at the time... But then she ended up sleeping in Soph's room this was at about 11! And Abs was sick about 26287382 times too, it was in the toilet though, so that was ok!
Sophie's brothers are so nice too, they were showing us drinking games which was fun, me and Aby (mostly Aby) ended up slagging off Rhianne to Adam, probably wasn't the best idea but he doesn't like her anyway! Me Adam, Ben and Jordan were in the lounge and were watching American pie: The Wedding and I was sat in a chair sort of on top of/to the side of Adam, and I was telling him how i was going to be a bridesmaid so we were practising walking down the aisle, oh god, I was a mess. This bit's a bit of a blur, but when I'm drunk I seem to turn into a bit of a slag, and I don't really care who I get with.. Well I do to some standards ofc. But it was so awkward like, I can't get with Sophie's brother and also of previously gone out with Jordan's bro, I'll get a reputation as some bro hoe! But, Adam kept like feeling me up, and going to kiss me.. Seriously what? He must know (don't really know how) that i still like Jared, and how could he get with me knowing I went out with his 'best' mate? Bit awkward. I don't care about people feeling me up, like I just don't, but I just couldn't do anything else, eurgh, no, I couldn't. Adam's just a pal.
But, yah. Other than that, SUCH A SWEET NIGHT LOVED IT XOXO

Leo DiCap

Leonardo DiCaprio is more beautiful than anybody I have ever seen in my whole life, maybe not how he is now, his younger self... Like when he was in Titanic, The beach, Romeo & Juliet etc. I don't know why but I think I actually love him, I feel like I know him in a deeply personal way, loljk, I just want to have sex with him, and then marry him and we can have lovely children together.
It's the way his hair sweeps slightly over his eye, but only one. How his eyes change from blue to green, his smile, the half-crooked smile and the full, perfect, teeth out smile. He is just so so beautiful, babes I love ya.

Fuuuuck, I'm done with this

Long livers in the sunset

Family are over until Monday, going Birmingham Monday with Abs, my nan's moving to a sheltered accommodation on Tuesday so we're all going over to help her take her stuff over, that won't be a nice day. But then cinema on Wednesday to see TITANIC 3D! Sophie's 'gathering' with my girls on Thursday, so looking forward to that, i'm going to get wasted just because I haven't been drunk in such a long time (ok, only about a couple of weeks, but anyway) I normally end up having chats with Soph's bro because he's lovely!
I'm waaaaaay to open when i'm drunk though, and I worry about what i'll say to someone! Shouldn't be too bad though... Hopefully...
Anyway, and then Friday, Saturday and Sunday will consist of Work at the pub, homework/coursework and finishing my new book! My mum got me this book called 'Looking for Alaska' i'm about 100 pages in and it's amazing, my mum knows me so well.
Everyone seems to be going to campouts atm, I really want to go to a massive one, like just a massive camping orgy. Hahahahaha, oh golly

The hunger games > Twilight

Ok, I've found something which means more to me than Twilight. THE HUNGER GAMES.

'That what I need to survive is not Gale’s fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.
So after, when he whispers, “You love me. Real or not real?”
I tell him, “Real.”'

-Mockingjay.

OMG. I finished Mockinjay today, which is the last book of The hunger games. It's amazing, like them 3 books are amazing. So amazing. I'm going to annoy everyone because I can't get over how amazing them books were!
I think I liked them so much was because of Katniss' and peeta's relationship, I just loved Peeta's undying love for Katniss, and then in the last book when he's confused about his feelings towards her, Katniss realises how much she needs her old Peeta back. So, so cute. I just love perfect couples.

Never coming back again

I'm in Newquay, yay! But yeah, not really a fan of family holidays tbh! It's alright when Aby comes, but we didn't have room this year :( Last year when me and Aby were here, I remember we went in the tent and me and Jared were like sort of getting together, and Jared was at some party and was absolutely mortal, and he kept ringing us because he was out of it! And I hate thinking about it, but he said how he only wanted me, and he'd rather be talking to me than anyone at that party, that was his excuse for staying on the phone. It's times like this when I remember things he said and I realise how much I miss him and I know it's my own fault why we're not together now... I was definitely just too scared to allow anything to happen, and I wish now i'd of just gone with it! Me and Jord wouldn't of fallen out, we're too close for that to happen, and yeah, it might be horrible and awkward at first but after a while it would be fine and perfect, what am I saying?
I really need to get over him, he's happy now, even though she's a slag, he's still happy and i'm happy that he's happy and he is happy so therefore, i'm happy too.
I forget that someone I know may read this, and realise that I still like Jared. I would never tell Aby... or anyone for that matter, I like people to think i've moved on, even if I haven't. Bdjdvificidjwk, please kill me now

Karofsky

I was watching Glee from this week, and this guy attempted suicide because someone found out he was gay. And the glee people started to talk about reasons why they should never get to that point where they wanted to take their own life, because they all had things which they wanted to live to see. I think if I had to think of mine, it would be to graduate from university, meet the perfect guy, have kids and see them grow up alongside Abys kids of course, more than anything I hope we'll still be friends when we're older. That's another thing I have to live for, growing up with Abs. We will be friends for ever. We will, I know it.

Lets get fucked up

Today was lovely, weather was nice, school wasn't too bad, and i've lost 2 pounds, haha!
DT was awkward as fuck, as per! I hate seating plans so much, normally I can talk to most people, and manage a conversation, but no.. English and maths was alright, I love maths just because there's some lovely people in my class.
My ideal school day would definitely be, Art, RE, Biology/Chemistry, PE, and then English with Mr Nicolle, him and Mr Laywood are the teachers I definitely wouldn't mind having some private lessons with. lol, erm jk...
Going Coombe Abby on Saturday with the girls, it's not meant to be as hot, but it should be a good day anyway! Then i'm going Cornwall Monday-Friday, it'll be nice to get away!

Best friends forev

When we were younger we said we'd be best friends forever, I remember thinking we'd still be friends when we were old. lol, so naive, I never even thought we wouldn't even be friends at 16. What the fuck happened? We never talk anymore, ever. I don't care how selfish and jealous i'm going to sound, but I blame him. Why did you have to get a boyfriend and just leave me on my own? Ever since you two got together it hasn't been the same, and I don't ever want it to be how it was again, because you made your choice, so you can stick with it, when he goes to university and you're all on your own again, you can just fuck off, so fuck you, I hate you, I HATE YOU

Its been such a fat day

I need to lose some weight, how can I wear shorts in the summer when my legs looks like this? Omg. Extreme dieting and intense exercise starts tomorrow!
Hopefully i'll be in a better mood tomorrow, all today i've been feeling quite shit. But a good day normally follows a bad, yay!

Im so drunk

I'm a little bit wasted, but that's because I've been doing the pub doing the monthly quiz! It's such a gooooody night, i love it! There's always this really hot guy there like every single month, he's actually the most attractive guy i've ever met in my whole life! But he has a girlfriend and they've moved in together recently with suck penis. He's so lovely aswell, and he has piercings and tattoos, and he's just perfect and if I could I would marry him. Or just have sex with him, either one i'd be perfectly happy with
His gf isn't even that nice, she's quite prim too, like what even? Every time I see him I actually just love him, omg marry me, i love ya!
There was quite a few attractive people at the pub tonight actually, aw, they're all so lovely too. Jo was like 'hotty at 2'Oclock!' so embarrassing! Hahahahahaha, I love her, She's so fun!
I think that when i've had a few couple of drinks I realise how much I miss Jared and I try to put him to the back of my mind but he still manages to creep forward to the front of my mind,, what a hoe, omg I miss him, cry

I need Ibuprofen

Today was horrible, I wish I never went into school. The only amusing thing was going to the nurse with Aby, and we had to put condoms on some fake penis.. Quite funny yet embarrassing as the same time!
I just had people asking if I was ok all day, and my mouth did ache, but I didn't want the attention so I just said I was alright! Really, really regret going into school. Lemon mouth is still here!
I also just went to see 'The hunger games' avec my siblings, it was an amazing movie, but really disturbing. Like I know it was only a movie, but still, that would just never happen it was just so weird.. Just the concept of the movie was weird. The actual movie was good though!

Lemon mouth

My mouth is like a small lemon, except normal lip colour, not yellow. After the operation on Wednesday i've been on a nice balanced diet of painkillers and soup/yoghurts! But, anyway, got to the hospital at 8 on Wednesday, and went down for the operation at about half 11, so that wasn't too bad because 3 younger kids went down before me. The anaesthetic was so weird! I remember he put this needle in my hand and he put some fluid in it, and then they put an oxygen mask on me. I was looking up and kept concentrating on a light, and tried to fight falling asleep.. Didn't really work though. When I woke up I had no idea were I was and I had to proper think about what had happened before, it was the most strangest feeling!
I had today off school, but will probably go back in tomorrow, Aby came over tonight equipped with Ben & Jerry's, she knows me so well, and said she couldn't really tell it about my mouth, so i'll probably go school tomorrow! Can't really afford to have much more time off, I worry too much about falling behind.
It was quite nice to have today off though, as I was with my nan all day, we just talk about anything, and nan even wanted to watch the inbetweeners movie, bless! I love her so much.
I had people texting me yesterday/today asking how I was and stuff, I only told like... 3? People as well, so they might've asked Aby were I was.. But anyway, it was actually nice knowing that people cared.

Omfg

What really annoys me is when someone doesn't trust me, I don't think people trust me, so why should I trust them? Yep, that's how it works. Don't ask me if i'm alright expecting me to pour my heart out to you, when you would never let me know what's wrong with you, you would never tell me anything! Ok fuck you, you've annoyed me so much. Why should I trust you, why?! Omg, i'm getting upset over some fucking hoe, i'm actually done with both of you.

I feel sick just thinking about tomorrow, been in a bad mood all day knowing that tomorrow I have to have that operation. At lunch I just wanted to cry, so I just sat in art with Lauren feeling like shit. I'm so scared.

It's been an over all bad day, the worst day i've had in such a long time.

Skins tonight yay!

Was just talking to my great-nan about her experience in the Coventry blitz, like seriously, it's weird doing that in history and then my nan just talking about it like it's nothing.
I'm so glad my nan's stopping with us for a bit, i love her so much and I have no idea what i'd do if anything at all ever happened to her!
Also, there was a cancelation in the day ward so now i've got my operation on Wednesday. Omfg, :(

Last night was perfection

Last night was amazing. I went to see you me at six with Abs, I can't even explain how good they were! Me, Abs, my sister and her friend queued for 3 hours just so we could get to the front, and there was really no point us waiting that long, because Dan and Becky went on the balcony, and me and Abs went out half-way through, and still got back to were we originally were!
Anyway... me and Aby ended up being with like Jess & Amy and their friends, which I didn't mind because I looooooooove them and I sort of knew their friends, Aby didn't really know them though.. but seemed to get on with them alright, and said when we came out how nice she thought Jess and Amy were, aw!
Mayday parade, KIGH and some random band were supporting which was decent, we came out halfway through KIGH though because everyone was like pushing to get to the front, like not even good pushing like Nero, it was like we were all sardines, and there was this major fat girl behind us! eurgh. When we came out we were with Amy and Jess until YMAS come on, it was nice seeing them out of school because they're so lovely, and I get on well with them.
Abs really didn't enjoy being squashed I don't think, bless her. Like she always says afterwards how good it was, but in the moment, I don't think she enjoyed it that much! That was only for the support though, as soon as YMAS came on she was loving it! I just love you me at six. not even because I love Josh, but because I just love the whole band, and they're music is so beautiful. I cried so much during the while performance, specially during Crash, fireworks and no one does it better! So, so beautiful.
It was such a good night, I did really love it! But I don't know if i preferred Nero more?... The atmosphere was better at Nero, whereas at YMAS it was just a bunch of kids trying to create moshes and failing at crowd surfing, bless them. STILL AN AMAZING NIGHT THOUGH.

you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness

'now and then I think of when we were together,
like when you said you were so happy you could die'

It hasn't even been a month and I want to do it again? seriously, I need to get over this.
I've been so emotional today, I was so tried and shitty in the morning, and the by lunch I was in such an amazing mood, me and Abs were having a laugh, like we never seem to laugh as much together as we used too? It sounds so stupid, bu we used to be so close, like so close, and now... I wouldn't even say we were best friends. I mean, we are, but not how best friends are supposed to be. Anyway, I was perfectly fine until about an hour ago, now I feel like I could just cry, and I don't think I'd ever stop. I just keep thinking about him, and how he's with her, and I try to be happy for him but I'm too selfish. I always think I'm over him. Like yesterday, I blogged about how much I liked some other guy, but I think I love him? 'you never realise what you have until it's gone'
I'll be fine, In an hour I'll probably be in the best mood :)

I just miss him so much

I&apos;m a mess and you know that I can&apos;t help it

Such a cute day. I said in a blog a while ago that I kind of liked this guy, but I went off him, and now... omg, I love like him. He's so genuine and lovely and funny and in Maths him and Phil turned around so they were on our table, and he started singing no one does it better, and I thought, If I ask him if he likes You me at six, and he replies, 'who are they?' I would've actually punch him in the face, or just been annoyed for a while. ;) But he was like, 'yeah, they're amazing!' Then we started talking about YMAS' previous albums and I must of been smiling like a right twat, because it was such a good Maths lesson, and I can't remember the last time I enjoyed maths! He also loves piercings and tattoos, and he said he likes my piercings and that they suit me, i will take that as a compliment even if it wasn't intended to be one, haha! He asked me if I had my clit pierced?! Like, seriously? I think he was about to say something about it, but then the teacher interrupted, but, omg lol.
Later on, I had History with him too, and we exchanged smiles across the room. Aw, babes.
Last night I was thinking about my exams, and I realised I'm only worried about maths, History, chem, phys, bio, English lang retake and English lit. Even though that's the majority of my exams?

yeah, going to end this pointless post now.
ALSO, he has a six pack, and is quite muscly! and, he watches Geordie shore and was well jel when I told him I'd met Gaz, he also said he was jel I was going to see YMAS on Saturday. aw, so perfect.

Nothing would ever happen between us, but I'm ok with that.

Ranting, ignore me

Why do people take pictures of their cuts and put them on tumblr? Does it help them cope with their issues? Probably not. Does it make them feel better about themselves? No, it probably fucking doesn't! It just annoys me so so so so so so so much, like omg, I don't even know why.
I'm probably being a bit hypocritical, (well no actually i'm not) but I just think it's for attention. I feel sorry for them, and It does make me feel sad when I see the pictures and how could that picture be helping anybody at all?
The pictures just make other people sad, and why would whoever posted that picture want to see their cuts every time they go on their blog? Having them on your body every time you look at your leg/hip/wrist/whatever, you would imagine being bad enough.

Ok, rant over

Happy pie day!

Having a day off school was nice, being in the hospital for 4 hours wasn't so nice. Got to have the operation on May 2nd, 2 days before my birthday, that will also suck.
I really wanted to go London for my birthday as well, might just have to delay it for a while.
Today I realised how much I hate hospitals, and how stupid i'm going to look wearing one of those hospital gowns, hahahaha! Oh golly

Tuesday is Koosday

I feel like such a shit person, why do I over think things which I shouldn't even care about?
I'm getting worried about this blog, there's so many things I want to say but i'm too conscious someone I even slightly know will see it.. Or judge me, or think i'm some stupid girl who needs to get a grip, well i'm all gripped up. So, erm, fuck you fuck you fuck you I don't care

Hospital tomorrow, so worried.
Jfudiemfvehjgk, that is all.

NEROOOOOOOO.

I went to see Nero last night, and that's been all I've been thinking about all day! it was just.. amazing! When we first got there, they had just opened the doors, so the que was still massive, and when we were walking past the que there was SO many people from school, and I was just hoping I wouldn't see any of them in there, but of course I did! By the end of the support act we were only a couple of rows from the front, but we wanted to be a bit further back because we wanted to be in the place with the best moshes! But, as soon as Nero came on we were right in the mosh! I just love it, me and Jord were right in there, but Abs and Hannah didn't really want to go in.. don't really blame them tbh! It was cray-zay.
We were near these two guys for most of the time when Nero was on, so we just ended up getting pushed into them, but I wasn't complaining! They were actually quite hot, aw so lovely. Because the speakers were like amazing, when you wanted to talk to them you had to get so close, and then you got even more close because everyone was moshing around you, I felt like Jord and that were like watching me, and if I had've got with him they wouldn't stop going on about it, probably best I didn't, because I would most deffinitely regret it today! Me and jord were dancing with them and I think abs and Han got a bit annoyed because we were in the mosh, and not with them, wasn't exactly our fault though? don't see why we should hold back, haha. Quite impressed that we didn't get split up! I wish I could re-live last night, I sort of will on Saturday when I go see YMAS but it won't be the dub vibe, it'll be like... differant?
I just love waking up in the morning with loads of bruises, aching all over, my clothes being ripped and my shoes are completely wrecked and I don't even care because of how amazing the night was!
I WANT TO GO BACK.